At Harvest time we like to DRY up, and PUT up, or FREEZE up our veggies and the like But never never would we put up, or freeze up on Tuesday that is our day to hike.   We like to help and work with OLD folks, and YOUNG folks and SICK folks we like to make it right But never never would we HELP them, or FEED them on Tuesday that is our day to hike.   So if a call. . . . .    or emergency. . . . .    should occur at nite. . . . .   then we work for free!   But you'll be sad. . . . .    if you're feelin' bad. . . . .    on a Tuesday morn. . . . . 'cause we can't be had.     Oh there are days when I'll be teaching or bleaching or reaching positions in Tai Chi But never ever on a Tuesday a Tuesday a Tuesday 'cuz that's my day to ski And there'll be days when I'll be preaching, or leaching or screeching to try and reach high C But never ever on a Tuesday a Tuesday a Tuesday 'cuz that's my day to ski At Harvest time we like to DRY up, and PUT up, or FREEZE up our veggies and the like But never never would we put up, or freeze up on Tuesday that is our day to hike.

 

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Ode to the Alphas (to the tune of "Tomorrow" from Annie) by Anne Watson
	We'll lead the BWAGs, tomorrow But for now we're happy just to follow Our Alpha gals.
	We'll follow the path of Mary Margaret, Anne, Joanne, Patsy and Carolyn To the view.
(chorus)	Tomorrow, tomorrow, we'll alpha tomorrow But Beta BWAGs for today.
(Alpha chorus)	Remember, remember, respect your Alphas Tomorrow isn't far away.
	You tell us we need to lead some But do you really want the Search and Rescue That overworked?
	Or maybe we'd ski at Lindley and Take the loop a time or two or . . .    twenty I think not!
(chorus)	Tomorrow, tomorrow, we'll alpha tomorrow But Beta BWAGs for today.
(Alpha chorus)	Remember, remember, respect your Alphas Tomorrow isn't far away.

 

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Plaint of the BWAG Alphas (to the tune of "When You and I Were Young, Maggie") by Mary Geis

I wandered today in the hills, Margaret, Where first the BWAGs roamed; The elk run free in the wildlands still Where new BWAGS are cloned.

The young elk race up the hill - no fear For joints or heart or lung; The old ones lead from the rear, oh dear!  And remember when they were young.

Yes, now we are aged and gray BWAGs Our day as Alphas nearly done; The Betas will all lead the way, some day And Omegas will rest in the sun.

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To Margaret (to the tune of "Just You Wait, 'Enry 'Iggins") by all the BWAGs

Just you wait, Martha Stewart, just you wait For your reign of creativity is late There's a woman in Montana Who can whip your fried bananas With a fork that she made from a steel grate.

Though your name may be on billboards and TV Can you do a kickturn on cross-country skis? Margaret Emerson can do it On skis waxed with homemade suet Just you wait, Martha Stewart, just you wait.

Margaret spins her hand-dyed wool in cozy capes While she listens to her English/Spanish tapes Ken takes her out for Scottish dancing Lots of hugs and light romancing Where's your man, Martha Stewart, where's your man?

You're a wuss, Martha Stewart, you're a wuss For our Margaret is a star without the fuss She runs her world with no computer Fax and cellphones do not suit her We're glad that she prefers to talk to us.

To change our lifestyle, Martha Stewart, you're too late We don't think your way of life is all that great BWAGS do not even know you So we do not have to show you That we're glad Martha-Stewart-Living's not our fate.

Better wait, Martha Stewart, better wait For your ego won't fit through the Pearly Gate Instead of pushing kitchen fashion Show some interest and compassion Humble pie is the dish that you should ate (eat?).

If you want to turn your life on proper course You must dismount from your high and mighty horse Come with us for ski and hiking You might find it to your liking But you must bag the paparazzi thing full force.

So you think you know recycling, Martha dear? Margaret Emerson can top you, never fear Making gaiters from old b'suits Down sleeve warmers for her ski boot Shrunk-up sweaters fashion jackets, shed a tear!

If you ever come here, Martha, give a ring: Margaret Emerson will take you 'neath her wing: You'll hike and cross-country ski Pack into the backcountry Set up camp by Margaret's customary spring.

And if for entertainment you should lack You will find it in our Margaret's backpack She'll pull out her penny whistle Play some jigs and reels and this'll Keep you safe from any grizzly bear attack!

Ohhhh, Martha Stewart! Just come out where the sky is blue and clear Ohhhh, Martha Stewart! Where we BWAG every Tuesday of the year Where Margaret's importation Is cause for celebration Oh, ho, ho, Martha Stewart! You don't know, Martha Stewart! You ain't here!

Martha thinks she has devised a clever plan To make us buy more, use more, spend more all across the land Margaret Emerson is wiser, but she's certainly no miser She's a member of the Sacks of Bozeman clan.

Oh, you're shallow, Martha Stewart, lend an ear For you need to modify what you hold dear Follow Margaret's good example And play music, ski and amble Oh, you're shallow, Martha Stewart, lend an ear.

Don't you wait, Martha Stewart, don't you wait! Margaret Emerson could change your dismal fate She could teach you to be free And take a leak behind a tree So get unplugged and come out to the Treasure State.

(to be spoken) They are both designing women, but Martha's beige I think When Margaret goes out hiking it's in purple, orange and pink. Martha has a formal garden and a moss covered bridge While Margaret finds Douglasia on French Whore Ridge.

Don't you wait, Martha Stewart, don't you wait For the chance to make a change is not too late Just pack up your French bandana And come out to our Montana We'll be waiting for you at the airport gate.

 

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